Mental Illness & How It Lead Me Here

I’m sure there are millions of people out there, that have a story to tell…

So many, that if we all wrote a novel on our lives, our experiences, our hurt, our happiest moments. I’m more than certain, there wouldn’t be enough libraries in the world, to fit them all in.

To me, everyone’s story is important. It shapes us into who we are today. This is exactly why, I decided, it’s time to share mine.

Recently I built up the courage to seek help. After my mental well-being decided it wanted to take a turn for the worst. These past 6 months have been hell and instead of continuing with the feeling of emptiness, I wanted to feel happiness again. Like, I mean, genuinely happy. Inside.

Asking for help is hard. Especially when it seems, the mental health system fails me everytime. Not only me but so, so many other people. (More on that in another blog topic – coming soon). Although hard for me personally, to try again. Anything would have been better than staying in my own head. That dark, detached, angry and confused head.

Two weeks ago, after having my first session with a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed again with Major Depression Disorder and well, although I went thinking I definitely had Bipolar, I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD. Crazy right? Well it was to me. Although I don’t show your general characteristics you would normally clarify as someone with ADHD, for example a short concentration span. I show signs in other ways. More to come on that too!

Being diagnosed with the above, helped me collect so many missing pieces of the puzzle that have been sprawled all over the place, for far too long now. I know this isn’t going to be a fast, nor an easy road… but it has lead me here.

So, that is the reason I am writing this. I am in a war with myself and have been for years now. Not only do I want to share my journey about finding me again, but also my experiences and why I am who I am.

My story will be raw, real and 100% unfiltered. I refuse to edit my thoughts and my words to fit into the ‘appropriate’ category, because the truth is… life can be hard and far from fair and far, far from ‘appropriate’ when sharing the deep stuff. I genuinely hope, that me opening up about my journey, will in some way, help others with their own unique and beautiful journey.

Thank you for your time and for your support. This is the first of many personal blogs about ‘A War With Myself – My Story’.

There will be some F bombs along the way, bad grammar, possibly some ugly crying too BUT most important of all, finding a path to happiness again.

T x